charlotte

I just got my birthday present from Charlotte in the mail.  It was the most amazing package ever - and I think what made it even better was that it was almost a month and a half late.  It made me feel that birthday joy on a day that is not my birthday :)


Anywho, I'm just going to highlight two items in the package. 1) An embellished hanger. Yes. SO BEAUTIFUL. 2) Temporary knuckle tattoos.  For girls.  There are 14 total with short phrases like "Jail bait", "Good girl", "A hot mess" & etc. I'm so stoked you don't even know.


Not much has changed since yesterday!! The pain still exists, but I'm doing my best not to think about it :) It helps being surrounded by people who appreciate me :)


It is slightly odd how frequently updating this blog. It will stop, I can promise that.  I think the only reason I'm even writing this blog entry is that I have a term paper that I should be writing right now.  And its not even that I don't want to write - the writing is fine. I like writing, obviously. Its the research that bugs me. And finding the facts I want to include (with the sources).  Once I got all of that done, I'm good. Part of it is also getting started.


I feel like I had some pretty realistic dreams last night, but I can't quite remember them. I think they included people here.  If I remember it later, it will be the first dream I've had about anyone hear that I remember.  Most of the people in my dreams are still friends back home and some random strangers.


I want to paint my nails a new color. However, I only brought two nail colors to college with me, and I am sick of them both.  I think I may have to find some nail polish to borrow.


I think this will be all for now.  I need to write that dang paper.


Szia! :)

gleeee

I just watched the episode from Tuesday night.  There were some deep subject matters there. Yep.


Moving on. 


Why do I cause pain for myself?  The pain I'm feeling right now could have EASILY been prevented. All I had to do was be strong. I suppose I could still be in the situation, so it was smart of me to stop things before I opened myself up to being hurt even more.  But arggh... it stilll hurts so bad.  (Apologies for being vague).


By the way. Charlotte and I are creepily connected.


And I should be working on a term paper right now, but I'm super tired (despite getting around 7 hours of sleep last night).


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apples

I've been eating apples pretty much nonstop the past week. I think its partly because I haven't been eating treats. I've already had two today. TWO.


Speaking of eating... well, thats just something I haven't been doing much of lately. And by lately, I mean the past three days. Tuesday, Wednesday, and today. It started on Tuesday... my stomach was feeling weird. It didn't hurt. It just felt funny. I suspected the reason for this was because I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. I literally rested my head on a pillow from 9:15-10:00. Anyway, I thought after getting sleep on Tuesday night I would feel infinitely better and totally hungry. No such luck. So basically, I'm still not hungry, and my stomach still feels totally weird.


I've been having a really fantastic time at college. Theres been a lot of drama and a few things that hurt me, but despite that, I'm still managing to have a lot of fun. I wish I could write about whats been going on, but thats not something I feel comfortable writing for the whole world to see. I know that no one really reads this, it just scares me because there is potential that someone - ANYONE - could see it.


I miss my Charlotte. A lot. Oh my gosh, I miss her so much. We've talked a bit lately, but I honestly just want to talk to her all the time. I honestly couldn't ask for a better best friend. She always makes me feel better. Just yesterday in my econ class I was thinking about when I went to Hungary. After I got off the plane and Budapest, got my luggage, and went through customs I walked into the room where everybody was waiting. And there she was. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. Charlotte ducked under the rails, and rushed to give me a hug. Possibly the best hug of my life.


Why do I only write in this blog when I'm feeling somewhat down about something? Argh. I actually started this blog feeling rather content about everything, but as always, I reminded myself of things that I shouldn't think about when I'm happy. Go me. WHOO.


I think I'm gonna end this here before I think of other things I miss....


SZIA.

poptarts

I haven't had one in awhile, but I'm hecka craving one right now. Strawberry, preferably.


So lifes been pretty rough the past week. I don't really feel like posting the details on the internet where it is accessible for anyone to read, but at the same time I just kinda feel like writing some crazy rant-y blog. But I won't. Just know that I've been hurt. And I'm really conflicted at the moment.


College is going well. I really miss Charlotte! But we've been communicating a lot, so I'm not really worried about growing apart. And I've made some pretty good friends so far. I'm doing my best to get into the routine of things - with homework and all.  I'm definitely not used to doing homework at all, so its been super weird for me to have SO much.


I'm watching Mean Girls right now, so I'm kinda distracted. Soooo that'll be it for now.


Szia!

awkwardness

• You check your phone, because you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
• Wait for the right time to say something, you get interrupted. Twice
• Someone you vaguely know is walking in front of you. You maintain distance.
• Hold the door for some. They’re slightly too far away.
• Someone comes online, you say “hey”, they go offline.
• You go in for the high-five. Other person isn’t looking.
• Accidentally look someone in the eye. Pretend to look past them.
• You say something stupid. You play it down, but everyone sees your face going red.
• You say “hi” to someone. It comes out as a whisper.
• Your friends formed a circle while you were gone. You can’t fit and end up standing slightly askew.
• Waiting by yourself for friends. Pretend you’re texting.
• You tell a hilarious joke. Nobody laughs.
• You’re in class and you want to cough. Some other person just coughed, now you have to wait.
• Walk into the restrooms and the stalls are full; pretend you only came here to wash your hands then leave.
• The person in front is walking slightly slower than you are. You walk at an uncomfortable speed to get past them.
• AWKWARD SILENCE.

^I didn't write this, but its SO BEAUTIFULLY TRUE.

dreams

As in the dreams you have when you're sleeping. Not the dreams that are like... what you hope for yourself. Well, actually I like those too. Its just not what I was referring to.


Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because I had a really awesome dream a few nights ago. And it was one of those dreams thats just like... whoa. So I'm gonna write about it, cause I really enjoy talking about it.


SO. There was good and evil in the world. I was on the good side (or so I thought, for all I know, it could have been actually evil. But in my opinion: GOOD). The people on the good side followed a spirit-man-silver thing. Those on the bad side followed the same type of creature, except evil. And the bad guy was the only person in the dream (besides me) who had a name. His name was Jeff. But I'm gonna name all the characters in the dream because it gets somewhat confusing. Lets call the good guy I followed... Peter.


Peter and his upper followers (ie other people and me) were hanging out at a park, when all of the sudden Peter disappeared with a flash of silver. The flash of silver was in the form of a deer. Like. A Patronous is a good way to describe what it was. Anyway, we all knew what that meant. Jeff and his minions. (For the record, you should know that Jeff is trying to kill Peter.)


The minions (they buzzzzzed!) appear, and alll the other followers of Peter and I have to get at the bottom of a slide (there were SO MANY SLIDES) because we needed to claim them, and also because the minions would go down them and we wanted them to get stuck. I was a little late getting a slide. So I had to fight a minion for one, but in the middle of the fight the minions retreated, so I took control of the slide. 


Well, next came more of Jeff's followers, only these were actual humans and could speak rather than buzz. So there was one of the bad followers in the slide I had claimed, trying to push me so it could get out. It must have been a small boy cause he wasn't very strong and I wasn't having any difficulty maintaining my ground. 


A tall blonde guy appeared (we shall call him Neil) and all of the sudden the little boy trying to push me was a bigger boy. But in my mind he was always the same person, he just hadn't actually been trying to push me before. Anyway, after a few blows, and I fell on the ground, and Neil captured me.


So, I was hostage (it was like, behind some bushes but it was somehow an actual building? Idk), and I was the only hostage for awhile. I talked to Neil a bit, yada yada. Then another hostage appeared, and Neil had to go do an errand because it turns out he was basically Jeff's second in command. (Also during all this time I can see Peter's silver flash everywhere meaning he was popping from place to place and I was thinking Jeff was really stupid for being unable to find Peter)


The other hostage was like, "Yo, theres an easy way to escape." And I said, "Umm don't think thats such a good idea..." So the other hostage was attempting to escape, but then Neil came back and caught him! And I really really wanted Neil to know that I was not trying to escape, I had actually thought it was a bad idea. It was at this moment in the dream that I realized I WAS IN LOVE WITH NEIL. But it was wrong cause he was evil!


And I don't really remember anything beyond that point. I think I woke up. 


So yes, I quite enjoyed that dream. I wonder if it has some sort of deep meaning. 


College starts soonnnn. Agh. My best friend leaves this Friday. Thats pretty much the only thing I'm nervous for. It feels like the next four days will be the only days where it will ever be the same again. We're gonna try like crazy to stay insanely close... but what if when we see each other again its just awkward or something? I dunno, I'm nervous cause its possible that it will never be this good with her ever again. So I wanna make the most of it. But I would pretty much do anything to stay as close as we are now, if not closer. Hungary and London really brought us together. We were close already... but being together 24/7 strengthened it. Which is why another trip with her to a place I love would be fantastic. I'm pretty sure I covered this a few days ago... but eh. Its something I just feel like writing about anyway, regardless of whether I already did or not.


Anyway, haven't read any of the blogs I follow since I got home over 3 weeks ago, so Immma go do that.


Szia!

lazy days

But unfortunately, lazy days are not something I should be having right now. I leave for school in 13 days, and I need to squeeze in all the time with friends that I can. Although my best friend leaves 4 or 5 days before I do, which really really sucks. 


Rant time. Well, not rant. But sad rambling.


I don't know how I'm gonna survive without my best friend. I mean, obviously I will. And obviously I will make new friends. But not being able to see her everyday? Yeah, we have done it before (every summer before when she was in Hungary), but then she would always come back and we'd have like 9 months together! Now its gonna be like... 2 days together. 3 weeks. 1 week. And over and over again, since she'll be spending her summer in Hungary. I feel like going to Hungary next summer would be amazing cause we would be together again, nonstop, for a few weeks. I already really miss that, and as it is right now I see her at least every 2 days. I kind of tear up just thinking about it. I need to try to find some good friends in college, but is it gonna be possible to find one that I love and click with as much as her?


Everyone always says that highschool friends drift apart. I'll be so heartbroken if that happens with us. I think we'll try really hard to stay in contact for sure, and I think we'll always be kinda close. But I'm afraid emails, phone calls, and etc. will be few once we get into the swing of things. Gah. Colleges that are far apart suck.


Epiphany - Maybe thats part of why I loved Hungary so much? Because she was there. And I knew we would be separated soon? 


But I still love Hungary as a whole itself, and would love to go back next summer (if possible, and I get the parents to agree...). I miss it. Alot. I made a lot of friends, and if I don't get to go back next summer, I may never see them again. It NEEDS to happen. I'm willing to get a new job ASAP in Seattle, and save like crazy and pay for it 100%.... 


Enough whining. I can't think of anything to talk about at this point, so I think I'm gonna end it here.


Szia. (This reminds me! I installed a language sofware thing on my comp so I can learn more Hungarian. If/When I go back, I wanna be able to understand stuff a little easier... :D)