Friday, May 27, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
my piercing :D
A few weeks ago I got my belly button pierced. And I'm rather fond of it. Yes.
Lets talk confusion, because I've been feeling a lot of that lately. Or more specifically... contradicting thoughts. I don't want him to text me, but oh god, I want him too. I want to go back to Seattle (I'm currently home for break), but I don't want to leave home. I want to eat healthier, but yum, chocolate.
I guess it is more of the first contradiction that has been weighing on my mind more recently. I mean, not that specific contradiction, but things that have to do with that.
Its not 2011, and I don't have any resolutions. I have one in mind, but I know that I could potentially just end up ignoring it as soon as the opportunity arises.
This is a really choppy blog, and I don't know what else to write.
Good bye.
Lets talk confusion, because I've been feeling a lot of that lately. Or more specifically... contradicting thoughts. I don't want him to text me, but oh god, I want him too. I want to go back to Seattle (I'm currently home for break), but I don't want to leave home. I want to eat healthier, but yum, chocolate.
I guess it is more of the first contradiction that has been weighing on my mind more recently. I mean, not that specific contradiction, but things that have to do with that.
Its not 2011, and I don't have any resolutions. I have one in mind, but I know that I could potentially just end up ignoring it as soon as the opportunity arises.
This is a really choppy blog, and I don't know what else to write.
Good bye.
Friday, November 19, 2010
my shirt
Its green, and has a hedgehog on it. Above the hedgehog are the words: Hedgehogs. Why don't they just share the hedge?
As I write this, I hear loud running on the floor above me. Sometimes I feel like the boys make lots of noise JUST so we'll hear it. No other reason. I don't mind it though. Its just a part of life, I guess.
I'm feeling kind of sick. Snaps for first sickness of college... My throat hurts, and thats about it for now. I've been really smart about taking care of myself though. Lots of vitamen C, water, and clean hands!! I don't like being sick here because there is always things to do, and its hard to have time in my room to myself (especially since I share the room with another person). I also want to get rid of this illness because when I go home in less than a week, I want to be totally and completely ready for anything. I don't plan on getting much sleep next weekend because hopefully I will be way toooo busy with friends.
Thats kind of all I have to say for now.
As I write this, I hear loud running on the floor above me. Sometimes I feel like the boys make lots of noise JUST so we'll hear it. No other reason. I don't mind it though. Its just a part of life, I guess.
I'm feeling kind of sick. Snaps for first sickness of college... My throat hurts, and thats about it for now. I've been really smart about taking care of myself though. Lots of vitamen C, water, and clean hands!! I don't like being sick here because there is always things to do, and its hard to have time in my room to myself (especially since I share the room with another person). I also want to get rid of this illness because when I go home in less than a week, I want to be totally and completely ready for anything. I don't plan on getting much sleep next weekend because hopefully I will be way toooo busy with friends.
Thats kind of all I have to say for now.
Monday, November 15, 2010
arkarna
Or at least the song "So Little Time". I'm sure the rest of the their music is fantastic as well, I'm just yet to experience it.
I've listened to a lot of new music lately. I think this has been good for me, I've listened to music a lot more recently and in return I have been able to think more. There has been a lot on my mind recently, mainly because so much has been going on. I've determined the right way to deal with a lot of these issues in my thinking time; however, I have trouble executing what I think is right. Needless to say, its tough. And I can't stay away.
I'm going to try to explain how I feel without delving too much into the situation on the internet. I ended things with someone because I knew that it wouldn't be healthy for me. But upon ending it, I have been hoping that somewhere down the line things work out between us. Which is why it is so hard for me to stay away. Because ALL the feelings I've ever had are still there, and these feelings are as strong as ever. I've tried to get rid of said feelings, but no matter how much I build him up as a bad person in my head, my thoughts always go back to all the sweet things he's done, all the good memories, and how comfortable and RIGHT it feels when I'm in his arms. Thats the way to describe it - it all just feels right, like its meant to be, when I'm around him.
I've been talking about this to my friends back home through messages a lot, and one of my friends asked me if I thought I loved him. I answered no. I know my answer was truthful. I don't love him. I mean, I potentially could one day, down the line. If things worked out. But I realized that I DO care an awful lot about this boy. I know its not love, because I know that I would KNOW love. I would have no doubts. I'm not even close to in love with this boy. But it still hurts like crazy. And this scares me, because if it hurts this much when I'm not even close to in love with him, how much is something like this going to hurt when I DO fall in love?
Relationships are a scary thing. You open yourself up to someone. You give them everything. As time goes by, your feelings deepen, and you make yourself more vulnerable. And this person could hurt you SO easily. Just one small action of theirs could break your heart. Or if they don't feel the same way as you any longer. Just the thought of the amount of hurt possible is causing me pain at this very moment.
But at the same time, relationships can be so beautiful. I've never really been in a relationship, but I've heard stories. I'm thinking that if people stay in relationships despite the possibility of having their heart broken, they must be pretty special. At least, I hope so.
I've listened to a lot of new music lately. I think this has been good for me, I've listened to music a lot more recently and in return I have been able to think more. There has been a lot on my mind recently, mainly because so much has been going on. I've determined the right way to deal with a lot of these issues in my thinking time; however, I have trouble executing what I think is right. Needless to say, its tough. And I can't stay away.
I'm going to try to explain how I feel without delving too much into the situation on the internet. I ended things with someone because I knew that it wouldn't be healthy for me. But upon ending it, I have been hoping that somewhere down the line things work out between us. Which is why it is so hard for me to stay away. Because ALL the feelings I've ever had are still there, and these feelings are as strong as ever. I've tried to get rid of said feelings, but no matter how much I build him up as a bad person in my head, my thoughts always go back to all the sweet things he's done, all the good memories, and how comfortable and RIGHT it feels when I'm in his arms. Thats the way to describe it - it all just feels right, like its meant to be, when I'm around him.
I've been talking about this to my friends back home through messages a lot, and one of my friends asked me if I thought I loved him. I answered no. I know my answer was truthful. I don't love him. I mean, I potentially could one day, down the line. If things worked out. But I realized that I DO care an awful lot about this boy. I know its not love, because I know that I would KNOW love. I would have no doubts. I'm not even close to in love with this boy. But it still hurts like crazy. And this scares me, because if it hurts this much when I'm not even close to in love with him, how much is something like this going to hurt when I DO fall in love?
Relationships are a scary thing. You open yourself up to someone. You give them everything. As time goes by, your feelings deepen, and you make yourself more vulnerable. And this person could hurt you SO easily. Just one small action of theirs could break your heart. Or if they don't feel the same way as you any longer. Just the thought of the amount of hurt possible is causing me pain at this very moment.
But at the same time, relationships can be so beautiful. I've never really been in a relationship, but I've heard stories. I'm thinking that if people stay in relationships despite the possibility of having their heart broken, they must be pretty special. At least, I hope so.
Friday, November 12, 2010
charlotte
I just got my birthday present from Charlotte in the mail. It was the most amazing package ever - and I think what made it even better was that it was almost a month and a half late. It made me feel that birthday joy on a day that is not my birthday :)
Anywho, I'm just going to highlight two items in the package. 1) An embellished hanger. Yes. SO BEAUTIFUL. 2) Temporary knuckle tattoos. For girls. There are 14 total with short phrases like "Jail bait", "Good girl", "A hot mess" & etc. I'm so stoked you don't even know.
Not much has changed since yesterday!! The pain still exists, but I'm doing my best not to think about it :) It helps being surrounded by people who appreciate me :)
It is slightly odd how frequently updating this blog. It will stop, I can promise that. I think the only reason I'm even writing this blog entry is that I have a term paper that I should be writing right now. And its not even that I don't want to write - the writing is fine. I like writing, obviously. Its the research that bugs me. And finding the facts I want to include (with the sources). Once I got all of that done, I'm good. Part of it is also getting started.
I feel like I had some pretty realistic dreams last night, but I can't quite remember them. I think they included people here. If I remember it later, it will be the first dream I've had about anyone hear that I remember. Most of the people in my dreams are still friends back home and some random strangers.
I want to paint my nails a new color. However, I only brought two nail colors to college with me, and I am sick of them both. I think I may have to find some nail polish to borrow.
I think this will be all for now. I need to write that dang paper.
Szia! :)
Anywho, I'm just going to highlight two items in the package. 1) An embellished hanger. Yes. SO BEAUTIFUL. 2) Temporary knuckle tattoos. For girls. There are 14 total with short phrases like "Jail bait", "Good girl", "A hot mess" & etc. I'm so stoked you don't even know.
Not much has changed since yesterday!! The pain still exists, but I'm doing my best not to think about it :) It helps being surrounded by people who appreciate me :)
It is slightly odd how frequently updating this blog. It will stop, I can promise that. I think the only reason I'm even writing this blog entry is that I have a term paper that I should be writing right now. And its not even that I don't want to write - the writing is fine. I like writing, obviously. Its the research that bugs me. And finding the facts I want to include (with the sources). Once I got all of that done, I'm good. Part of it is also getting started.
I feel like I had some pretty realistic dreams last night, but I can't quite remember them. I think they included people here. If I remember it later, it will be the first dream I've had about anyone hear that I remember. Most of the people in my dreams are still friends back home and some random strangers.
I want to paint my nails a new color. However, I only brought two nail colors to college with me, and I am sick of them both. I think I may have to find some nail polish to borrow.
I think this will be all for now. I need to write that dang paper.
Szia! :)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
gleeee
I just watched the episode from Tuesday night. There were some deep subject matters there. Yep.
Moving on.
Why do I cause pain for myself? The pain I'm feeling right now could have EASILY been prevented. All I had to do was be strong. I suppose I could still be in the situation, so it was smart of me to stop things before I opened myself up to being hurt even more. But arggh... it stilll hurts so bad. (Apologies for being vague).
By the way. Charlotte and I are creepily connected.
And I should be working on a term paper right now, but I'm super tired (despite getting around 7 hours of sleep last night).
sdfhsjdfasdf
Moving on.
Why do I cause pain for myself? The pain I'm feeling right now could have EASILY been prevented. All I had to do was be strong. I suppose I could still be in the situation, so it was smart of me to stop things before I opened myself up to being hurt even more. But arggh... it stilll hurts so bad. (Apologies for being vague).
By the way. Charlotte and I are creepily connected.
And I should be working on a term paper right now, but I'm super tired (despite getting around 7 hours of sleep last night).
sdfhsjdfasdf
Thursday, November 4, 2010
apples
I've been eating apples pretty much nonstop the past week. I think its partly because I haven't been eating treats. I've already had two today. TWO.
Speaking of eating... well, thats just something I haven't been doing much of lately. And by lately, I mean the past three days. Tuesday, Wednesday, and today. It started on Tuesday... my stomach was feeling weird. It didn't hurt. It just felt funny. I suspected the reason for this was because I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. I literally rested my head on a pillow from 9:15-10:00. Anyway, I thought after getting sleep on Tuesday night I would feel infinitely better and totally hungry. No such luck. So basically, I'm still not hungry, and my stomach still feels totally weird.
I've been having a really fantastic time at college. Theres been a lot of drama and a few things that hurt me, but despite that, I'm still managing to have a lot of fun. I wish I could write about whats been going on, but thats not something I feel comfortable writing for the whole world to see. I know that no one really reads this, it just scares me because there is potential that someone - ANYONE - could see it.
I miss my Charlotte. A lot. Oh my gosh, I miss her so much. We've talked a bit lately, but I honestly just want to talk to her all the time. I honestly couldn't ask for a better best friend. She always makes me feel better. Just yesterday in my econ class I was thinking about when I went to Hungary. After I got off the plane and Budapest, got my luggage, and went through customs I walked into the room where everybody was waiting. And there she was. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. Charlotte ducked under the rails, and rushed to give me a hug. Possibly the best hug of my life.
Why do I only write in this blog when I'm feeling somewhat down about something? Argh. I actually started this blog feeling rather content about everything, but as always, I reminded myself of things that I shouldn't think about when I'm happy. Go me. WHOO.
I think I'm gonna end this here before I think of other things I miss....
SZIA.
Speaking of eating... well, thats just something I haven't been doing much of lately. And by lately, I mean the past three days. Tuesday, Wednesday, and today. It started on Tuesday... my stomach was feeling weird. It didn't hurt. It just felt funny. I suspected the reason for this was because I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. I literally rested my head on a pillow from 9:15-10:00. Anyway, I thought after getting sleep on Tuesday night I would feel infinitely better and totally hungry. No such luck. So basically, I'm still not hungry, and my stomach still feels totally weird.
I've been having a really fantastic time at college. Theres been a lot of drama and a few things that hurt me, but despite that, I'm still managing to have a lot of fun. I wish I could write about whats been going on, but thats not something I feel comfortable writing for the whole world to see. I know that no one really reads this, it just scares me because there is potential that someone - ANYONE - could see it.
I miss my Charlotte. A lot. Oh my gosh, I miss her so much. We've talked a bit lately, but I honestly just want to talk to her all the time. I honestly couldn't ask for a better best friend. She always makes me feel better. Just yesterday in my econ class I was thinking about when I went to Hungary. After I got off the plane and Budapest, got my luggage, and went through customs I walked into the room where everybody was waiting. And there she was. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. Charlotte ducked under the rails, and rushed to give me a hug. Possibly the best hug of my life.
Why do I only write in this blog when I'm feeling somewhat down about something? Argh. I actually started this blog feeling rather content about everything, but as always, I reminded myself of things that I shouldn't think about when I'm happy. Go me. WHOO.
I think I'm gonna end this here before I think of other things I miss....
SZIA.
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