arkarna

Or at least the song "So Little Time". I'm sure the rest of the their music is fantastic as well, I'm just yet to experience it.


I've listened to a lot of new music lately. I think this has been good for me, I've listened to music a lot more recently and in return I have been able to think more. There has been a lot on my mind recently, mainly because so much has been going on. I've determined the right way to deal with a lot of these issues in my thinking time; however, I have trouble executing what I think is right. Needless to say, its tough. And I can't stay away.


I'm going to try to explain how I feel without delving too much into the situation on the internet.  I ended things with someone because I knew that it wouldn't be healthy for me.  But upon ending it, I have been hoping that somewhere down the line things work out between us.  Which is why it is so hard for me to stay away.  Because ALL the feelings I've ever had are still there, and these feelings are as strong as ever.  I've tried to get rid of said feelings, but no matter how much I build him up as a bad person in my head, my thoughts always go back to all the sweet things he's done, all the good memories, and how comfortable and RIGHT it feels when I'm in his arms.  Thats the way to describe it - it all just feels right, like its meant to be, when I'm around him.  


I've been talking about this to my friends back home through messages a lot, and one of my friends asked me if I thought I loved him.  I answered no. I know my answer was truthful. I don't love him. I mean, I potentially could one day, down the line. If things worked out.  But I realized that I DO care an awful lot about this boy.  I know its not love, because I know that I would KNOW love. I would have no doubts.  I'm not even close to in love with this boy. But it still hurts like crazy.  And this scares me, because if it hurts this much when I'm not even close to in love with him, how much is something like this going to hurt when I DO fall in love?


Relationships are a scary thing.  You open yourself up to someone. You give them everything. As time goes by, your feelings deepen, and you make yourself more vulnerable. And this person could hurt you SO easily.  Just one small action of theirs could break your heart.  Or if they don't feel the same way as you any longer. Just the thought of the amount of hurt possible is causing me pain at this very moment.


But at the same time, relationships can be so beautiful.  I've never really been in a relationship, but I've heard stories.  I'm thinking that if people stay in relationships despite the possibility of having their heart broken, they must be pretty special. At least, I hope so.